claudia_trotsky

Now that we were aware that the whole village was probably infected, we were a little stumped. We couldn't in good conscience kill every person there, they couldn't help that they were insane killers. But at the same time, we couldn't be completely sure who was the originator and if we did attack the source, the others would be sure to attack us as well. As good as we are, I didn't feel confident we could stave off 200 maddened were-beasts.

I drew upon my memory of Van Richten's Guide to Werebeasts. It had been years since I had read it and even then I had only focused on true lycanthropes and not the infected. However, I did recall that the beast does simulate the creature of its form. Werewolves are pack animals, rats are scavengers, etc. The personality would be the most vicious aspect, but it would be similar. Colin was able to recall that boars are matriarchal and they like swamp areas.

We got to higher ground so we could observe the village and the surrounding area. A gallows was being erected, not good news for whoever it was for. We figured anyone who was an enemy of our enemy was our friend. Colin was sent in to do his sneakiness and managed to retrieve a young man from the prison.

The young man's name was Anthony Von Drakengaard and he was also following the trail of the wereboar. He told us that her name was Granny Thundertusks and she was a powerful shaman. I recognized his last name being the same as Aria Von Drakengaard one of the original Dawnguard members. His clothes was also similar to hers. I remembered that Aria left suddenly due to an "illness". Anthony's last name being the same as Aria's implied that he was a bastard child. Being an orphan myself, I am very aware of names and their importance. Anthony also sported tattoos of the Morning Lord, the same deity Claudio worshipped. Anthony...Antonio Davidovich?

I asked Anthony if he had a middle name and if it was David. Anthony confirmed that it was and was rather startled. I explained my suspicion and told Anthony who his father was. Anthony had never met Claudio and didn't even know who his father was. Only that he had been named after him and that his father was a good man. I called him brother and hugged him. There would have been a time three years ago I would have burned with jealousy finding a true child of Claudio's. That had been a strife between Deric and me. But I've come to accept my adopted family as enough for me (and my blood family being a little too much at times).

We met an old man in the swamp who was able to tell us the final bits of the puzzle. Granny hadn't intentionally stopped her boarish solitude, one of her children had been eaten by the village and indirectly infecting them. Talk about spoiled meat!

Defeating Granny was relatively easy with the six of us versus her, although her shamanistic powers made her very annoying to battle. My wings burst free during the battle and I think it freaked out Anthony. I think I'm going to have to have Cyrus research how I can either make my wings retract completely or grow strong enough I can at least fly for longer periods at a time rather than just a few minutes here and there. I'll gladly sponsor the endeavor and maybe it will make him happier. I'm just worried it may mean accepting my wereblood more to have more control but their current condition is just too inconvenient. I don't really want an amulet that will simply hide them with an illusion.

Maybe I can use the schemantics Anthony trusted with me before he left to contemplate what he has found out about his family. His letter assured me that he is not disgusted by my parentage but that he is a loner by heart. Since he has entrusted plans on how to make magical gunnery, I'll gladly accept his excuses. I hope we see him again in the foreseeable future.

Part of me sorely wants to throw the Trotsky name onto Anthony so he can be burdened with the responsibility of providing an heir to carry on the family name. That would allow me to honorably cancel my engagement to Frederick. But I cannot even if Anthony wanted to. First, Anthony is an illegitimate child he is not legally Claudio's son. I'm sure Mom and Dad would recognize him in honor of his father, but that would not necessarily usurp me as heir. Second, Anthony clearly has no practice with courtly intrigue. He is a bounty hunter, not a diplomat. He would be eaten alive by various lawyers and courtiers. I'm not the best diplomat, but at least I have the training and the background. Third, this whole wedding is my responsibility. It would be wrong of me to cut and run now that there are reasons for second thoughts. If I wasn't going to go through with it, then I should have used the full time Mom gave me rather than rushing the deal.

I need to sit down with Deric and discuss the upcoming wedding. He's been so wonderful about the whole ordeal and I've not been completely honest with him about Frederick. It's not that I've intentionally left anything out, there just hasn't been a good opportunity for us to have some privacy. At least anything so glum as other relationships. I've never tried to juggle two men at once before so all of this is so new and confusing to me.

Finally met my twin sister. Her name is Zinnifer Desfraya and she is a friar of an Ezran sect. To be honest, meeting her felt anticlimatic. We knew a hooded figure had been helping us in the prison, but I had thought it was Lollar who was our mysterious benefactor. I was completely unprepared for it to be my sister.

Part of me feels I should have talked to her more, but we seem to have nothing in common. Our looks are similar but her personality, viewpoints, and background seem to be the polar opposite of mine. She was raised knowing the truth of our parentage and I think she feels she must serve pentance for her Caliban heritage. What little we did talk was terribly awkward.

It was obvious she disapproves of my choice to show my wings while in the prison, as if i was being vulgar. It's not like I choose to grow wings and contrary to popular belief I am still getting used to them. It is a huge difference when you have two huge extra appendages growing out of your back. I admit Deric has made the new addition more fun than if I had to deal with them alone...

Regardless Zinnifer makes me feel awkward because her story (what little I know) makes me feel like a spoiled princess. I got to be raised human by loving parents while she was raised as an abomination in a religious sect. To be clear, I don't feel that she is an abomination, I think she thinks of herself that way.

I'm really curious as to why her family name is Desfraya. What is the connection that our mother would trust that family with such a secret? Although it does feel like a secret with all the people we run into who know Tandora.

Thankfully, I wasn't expected to say and chat. We had to go north to retrieve an amulet of the beast for Warden Kang so he could keep the curse in check until we could locate the source of his curse. Retrieving the amulet was easy as pie and we were quickly on our way to the village where Kang killed the wereboar that started this whole mess.

We didn't consider that more members of the village could have been cursed as well and it almost killed us. We consulted the mayor of the village and he directed us to a mine. There we found dozens of undead children, all who hungered for our flesh! We managed to escape, but not before stopping two infected wereboar villagers who were trying to collapse the mine on us and trapping us with the ghouls.

Now we had to consider that the entire village was infected. What could we possibly do?

I could slap the spit out of Cyrus. I really could.

I cannot believe upon his return the first words out of his mouth were "Claudia slept with Frederick, felt bad about it and ran away." Like this was a goddess given fact. I was so embarrassed I thought I was gonna fall through the floor.

To make matters worse, Frederick wouldn't speak up about the matter! I just...ugh. I mean, I don't typically speak about my romantic life, but there are times you just have to say something.

I cannot really blame Deric for his response. Frederick's silence was damning. I know Frederick is much more private than me, but honestly my reputation was being smeared.

Oh, and to top it off, after Cyrus dropped that random comment, everyone thought *I* was being unreasonable for wanting to clear my name. "We've got bigger issues." Maybe, but if so, why in the mists did Cyrus bring that up to begin with?

We were about to use the elevator when it collapsed under us. Some of us managed to jump free, but Charlotte, Colin, Frederick, and other prisoners fell. Thankfully, someone was able to cast a spell that slowed their descent. The fall took them to the solitaire cells. There we found the old warden, Fayden Kang. He claimed that the rest of the prison had turned against him, a reasonable claim after the sabotage. But I cannot believe that the others released him based on that. The best lies are mixed with the truth, as this turned out to be the case. Kang had been betrayed, but he was also infected with lycanthorpy as we had been told.

Galen was able to use his holy powers to contain the infection so the warden would fight along side us. Which turned out to be very helpful. However, Colin was attacked by the old man we thought was our friend. The old man was actually part of the assassin's guild we were looking for. The attack lead to a prison riot, one that we were able to contain, but only barely.

Galen and Frederick were left on the third level since they could not quickly ascend the elevator shaft like the rest of us. This left them open to attack by an old enemy, the brother of the Gundarkite who had been sentenced here eighteen years ago. He was still bitter about my murder of his brother. We fought and I won. Meaning, of course, that I killed him.

My swordplay has gotten very strong these last couple of years. The precise strike I used against the Gundarkite all those years ago has become more and more common rather than an accident.

I don't feel regret that I killed that man. I'll pay penance, but we were in a fight. As I told him, "What did you expect when you go to war?" People die. I may die at the end of a sword one day myself. I hope not, but that is the risk I take every time I pull my blade.

No, the thing I dread is Frederick's reaction. He was already uncomfortable knowing I have killed before. How is he going to react having actually *seen* me kill someone? Will he finally understand that I do what I do as protection of myself and others? Or will he see me as a bloodthirsty monster?

Summary - The Requiem Children travel to Blackmaw prison. They are able to enter as religious petitioners seeking enlightenment. The population of the prison are some of the most vile criminals of the Core - murderers, rapists, the worst of the worst. Among them is a seemingly harmless old man sentenced there after killing a noble who raped his daughter and a shadowy figure known as Midnight.

-----

As usual things cannot be simple. Galen's contact is no longer in charge of the prison. Instead he is a prisoner himself in one of the solitaire cells after he was infected by a wereboar. I'm not really familiar with the infected-thropes as much as the natural ones. Infection did not really have much to do with understanding my bloodline. I have a little understanding in that it is very different.

If natural were-blooded are humanoids who give into the beast as a sort of catharsis, then infected are like berserkers. The rage takes over and they lose most of their senses for that time. Rather then becoming a skilled predator, they become rabid beasts. It is rather tragic as it is almost as difficult to cure as vampirism or other forms of the taint. Some would rather die as clean as possible than to lose their humanity for a few days of the month and hurt their loved ones and innocents during that time.

Entering the prison is hellish. It's hot and miserable here. We get minimal food and are worked hard. I'm not sure any of the prisoners survive here long. Colin has taken to an old man who has been here over 15 years. Colin thinks the old man is probably part of the assassin's guild we think is actually based out of this hole. Considering how hard it is to survive, I cannot disagree but I hope he's wrong.

The only really good thing about this place is I get to walk around with my wings freely out. It is actually quite liberating. I'm sure Cyrus would have kittens, but he stayed on the surface for now.

Frederick's poisoning seems to be getting worse. I am looking forward to Cyrus' return so we can finally cure my fiance. I need to see what he is like when he is sane to see how much he has truly changed. Did he really endanger himself for me? Does he really feel as bitter as he's stated? How much of it was the sickness and how much was the truth?

In restrospect, I shouldn't have propositioned Derick while we took watches in the cells. But I find sex comforting and this place is stressful. He was right to turn me down, but I did have a moment of panic of him breaking up with me or (more realistically) losing respect for me. I like to be held during tense moments and at least I could do that while he slept and I kept watch.

I hope we can get out of here soon. I don't care to be underground for so long. It's hot and the days seem unreal.

Summary - Frederick Von Sydow is accused of murder of Cheslav Romaine. Not only is Cheslav an important member of Ivan Dilisnya's court, but he is also a relative of Nostalya Romaine, Ivana Boritsi's right hand woman. A dangerous man to kill with so many powerful friends. Did Frederick do it in some drunken fury or is he a puppet in a tangle of intrigue? The Requiem Children are given an exclusive interview with Ivan at his estate. Boons are granted as a reward for their performance.

-----

I tried to keep Frederick from being taken away, but the guards could not be bluffed. I'm not sure what the others did, but I had to follow Frederick to the prison. I cannot imagine what he was feeling as he was dragged away to jail. Talking to him was as hair pulling frustrating as usual. I intellectually understand he is poisoned, drunk, and near mad (all from the same source), but the small moment of clarity make it hard to keep that in mind. One minute he's so hurt and vulnerable, the next he's some bitter child. I swear I alternate wanting to hold him and slap him.

My frustration is compounded by my guilt of sleeping with Derick. I know I'm to marry Frederick and he's jealous of Derick. To be honest, I'm not even sure if this constitutes as a relationship or a one night stand. We both knew there was a good chance one or both of us could die the next day. I almost did! I suppose I need to sit down and talk to Derick, but I'm so not good at that sort of thing. My relationships through the years have mostly boiled down to countless one night stands and one real relationship.

Visiting Ivan Dilisnya was creepy. I have always lived in the shadow of Ivana Boritsi and her exploits are well known amongst my social group. I think on some level I thought Ivan would be the better of the two. That even though he is known as Ivana's dark twin, somehow he would be more beneficent . Goddess, he is just as insane if not more so. The man keeps a taxidermed actor in his study! His estate is also placed over the Shadowrift, a place I don't know much about but the name leaves little to the imagination.

Asking a boon of that man felt like asking a favor from a rattlesnake. While I placed my hand in its mouth. While it was on the verge of being pissed off. Thankfully he wasn't wrathful. Considering he changed Frederick's execution from immediate hellspout to prolonged stay in the Core's most deadly prison. I'm not sure if I was used or he honestly thought that was a gift. Nonetheless, I kissed his ass to keep him (more likely) in a good mood.

Galen thinks he has a contact who can help us place Frederick in isolation so he won't be harrassed by the general population. In the mean time, we're going to travel there and try to find who the real assassin is. Hopefully before they assassinate Frederick!

For better or for worse, we have decided to help the Baron and retrieve an artifact called the Rod of Rastinon. I'm not sure what the Baron plans to do with it, but I admit I am leery. He knows way too much about all of us and even admitted that he "let another group of adventurers steal it". Sounds too plotting to be trusted. I'm a little worried that he is the reason the Kargat is after us.

Traveling through Falkovnia was thankfully short. Derick and Colin had a rough time with the private inspections they received, but honestly they should have known better. Declaring that you're a Darkonese and carrying contraband weapons with paranoid soldiers? Anal probe definitely.

I was dreading seeing Frederick again. He left so abruptly last time I saw him, I wasn't certain how he would receive me. I was NOT ready for what I saw. I suppose on some level I had prepared myself to find that he had become more promiscious. I was not expecting three whores in the hot pool. And Frederick drunk as a skunk! I can almost understand why berserkers rage now. I could see nothing but red for a few seconds.

I've had my fair share of lovers over the years. I've even been to houses of pleasure. But there is a huge difference between going to a brothel when you're visiting in a town for one night and buying sex on a regular basis. Quite frankly, I find it disgusting and pathetic. Surely Frederick has enough charm to find some girl (or guy even) to sleep with him.

After a stupid scuffle where I tried to drag him home, I had to knock Frederick out and went to find the others. I figured that Derick could talk to him and help calm him down. After all Derick has helped me out numberless times over the years. I didn't take into account that Frederick might be resentful of Derick. Considering my history with both men, I guess I should have known. But I was not thinking clearly. All I could think was "Get Frederick thinking straight. And clean this slumhole up."

At first I thought our last encounter was why Frederick became a drunken lech. Talking to the servants, I found that he had actually been doing a good job as a landlord the first few months up here. Then suddenly he changed. The spellcasters found that Frederick is being magically scryed and must be acting under duress. That the whores and drinking were a cover and that being drunk made it harder to read his mind.

Suddenly I felt a lot worse. Frederick was trying to protect me, but he wouldn't have to if I hadn't caused him to come up here to begin with.  Goddess, only if I had controlled myself instead of giving into my impulses. If only if I hadn't been drunk. I was disgusted with his actions before, now I'm simply depressed.

I almost cried when Frederick recriminated me. Saying that I had deserted him and didn't care for him. I've tried so hard to give him the space I thought he needed. Now I just don't know. I wish he was easier to understand. How much of his anger is fake and how much of it is real? I don't know if it helps either way.

We decided to go to the opera to become actors to try to find out more information about why Frederick is insisting that he has to go. Also, we suspect that Ivan Dilisnya is the one putting the pressure on my fiance. I'm not sure why Dilisnya would be interested in him, but that is why we're here.

Also, we can get a boon from the parton if we survive. Yeah, in this play the battles are going to be for real. I don't know why this scares me more than all of the monstrosities we've battle, but I am worried. I just hope we can balance the scales ahead of time. At least I'll get some awesome reputation in Kartakas if we survive.

Summary - We get to Darkon and start looking for our contact, an ex-baron. Derick sends a letter to his dad to let him know we are visiting. Charlotte takes sick and stays in her room for a few days. We are invited to a party where I brag about being a requiem child and am given an iron coin, which represents the Kargat - the very group we hope to stop! Cy turns out to not be Claudio, but Malcolm's spirit. Do clones not accept the original body's soul or did something go terribly wrong? We secure the cursed blade that Cy is bound to and continue our search of our contact. The baron knows way too many of our secrets and wants us to steal a magical artifact from the most secure place in all of Borca!

I am deeply disturbed by the religions here. First, we see priests of the Eternal Order leaving zombies tied onto scaffolds outside of town. The zombies are still moving and are to be a warning to the villagers for turning their backs on the Order. The Order is very displeased by the appearance of the Ezran faith in Darkon. They consider it weak.

It has been at least six months since I've last given confession. I'm not completely sure what all I've done since then, but I usually find that once I am in the confessional I recall most of the noteworthy ones. I tried to contact a priestess, a pretty young thing who was friendly enough. I was terribly shocked to find out that they only take confession on holy days. Here they believe that it is better to die without confession rather than start a confession and have to stop in case some undead attack happens. I tried to argue that partial confession is better than none, but the answer was something along the lines of "Unspoken is unknown, while partial leaves you unclean". 

I figured I had nothing better to do and the priest was rather pretty, so I invited her for a "confession" between us unofficially. Goddess, I couldn't believe that she took a vow of celibacy! That is so rare back home, only the most prudish priests do that. She considers her current work a sort of tour of duty as if she is soldier and not a priest and has taken a vow of celibacy in the mean time. Most women don't consider sex with other women to count for such things, but this one eliminated all forms of intimacy. These people are too much!

To be honest, it is probably for the best. I'm really confused about my current relationships as is. Frederick is my fiance, but I'm sort of dating Derick again? I know Derick is very proper when it comes to relationships. For goddess' sake, he's still a virgin which is a turn off for me. Part of me wants to further my relationship with him, but what can I offer him? What does he want for that matter? He seems very dedicated to his studies. Normally, I'm a one-person relationship gal. Granted I've had threesomes in the past, but those were package deals and definite one-nighters. I am not interested in that with Derick. I'm so confused. I need to settle all this in my head before I start something I regret.

Back to the "life is a battlefield" mentality of the Darkonese, I drew guard duty for mingling at the party we went to for information. The other soldiers pretty much disregarded me when they saw I was an adventurer. They said that real battlefields are different than the skirmishes I'm used to. I was able to tolerate it for a few hours, but finally my pride won out and I bragged that I had see a real battle field - the Requiem. Goddess, I need to learn to watch my mouth. I got some respect, but now I have a coin that indicates the man who gave it to me is part of the Kargat. Maybe it will be useful in the long run?

Cy is not Claudio. I guess I knew that already, but I'm still disappointed. I had hoped that he was my long dead uncle. My jealousy of Derick was unfounded and I feel poorly for that as well. The realization that Cy is Malcolm who is Gabriel is rather disturbing. A soul torn from its body? Does that count if the body is a clone? Does that explain the memory lapses? And does Cy's strong desire to protect Derick make it more likely that he is Charlotte's twin?

More questions, fewer answers.

The Baron wants us to steal a magical item from a vault in Borca. It is the largest vault in all of Borca and heavily guarded. I don't think anyone has ever stolen from it before. He has the key to the safe, but no papers to prove owner ship. This had "tax-deductible" written all over it. It is going to take some strong influence to get into that safe. Cyrus thinks his status with the company he invested in will be enough to get us through. I hope he is right. I think I have some connections, but I would rather not call those favors in if I can help it. It would probably cause more problems than it would solve. And I have to admit part of me still stings from the old days when the others complained that the ideas I had were bad. Hopefully since I would be home in Borca, I won't have the cultural shock that got me in trouble to begin with. But it has been so long since I have been in Borca, maybe I've forgotten what it is like to be Borcan.

Summary - The gang gets back together after three years apart. Cyrus is fricking tall! (Except it's platform boots. >=O) Galen is a paladin. Charlotte is a baker. Colin seems to be pretty much the same. Derick is graduating with honors as a doctor of psychology. Things are going well enough until the ceremony is interrupted by attacks of Hellcats - demonic creatures only visible in darkness. We track them back to their masters to find that they had kidnapped one of Derick's classmates because of his theory of portals. The kidnappers are people who have become lost from their own world.

-----

I was leery to come to Derick's graduation. I was honored that he had invited me, but what if he had changed too much? What if all of them had changed too much? What if I had been the only one to change? The only friend I had from childhood had been Frederick and that has gone so poorly. A few months apart in school had torn our friendship apart. How could things still be the same after three years?

I suppose I shouldn't have worried so much. Meeting the others was like wearing old comfortable clothes. Colin was just as fun loving, Charlotte as proper, Derick just as collected. The one who had changed the most was Cyrus. I was drinking a glass of wine when the Mordentish boy stood - an incredible 6 ft 5in! Goddess, I  almost choked. I know I spit up a little of my wine.

To my relief, most of Cyrus' freakish height was because of platform boots. Unfortunately, I discovered this when we were fighting demonic cats who had attacked Derick's graduation. My improved vision turned out to be invaluable during the fight as the cats were invisible in the light.

We followed the hellcats' trail and found their masters were people from another world. They had kidnapped one of Derick's classmates because of his theory of portals. The hellcats had been a distraction as they took the boy. Despite their use of demons, I'm glad I didn't kill any of these outlanders. They seem lost and confused, especially that poor little scared boy.

I'm not sure what all we can do. They don't speak any recognizable language I know. Some of the other recognized the wizard speaking Draconic. I guess we'll have to wake him and see what happens from there.

The formal finally arrived. Preparations had been finalized for some time, but still we were not ready. I don’t think we could have ever been ready.

We arrived early, normally a huge social faux pas. However, it let us make the ballroom our own rather than the student council’s. Derick and I danced, inviting others to join us. Cyrus served punch. Colin and Charlotte were strangely absent for most of the formal.

After the party was into its normal full swing, I pulled Derick aside to a balcony. I had teased him with innuendo all day about linguistics lessons. Since he was admittedly inexperienced, I was not sure how much he understood even when we were on the moonlight balcony and my arms were around him. As I tilted my face to his for a kiss, I wasn’t sure what to expect.

I was pleased when he kissed me. For the next hour, we held each other and kissed. It was rather chaste, much more than I’m used to, but it was what I expected and wanted. For a short time, even in the midst of all the danger, we weren’t Requiem children, young adventurers, or people who may die by the end of the night. We were two young lovers enjoying the night sky.

Frederick eventually interrupted us, breaking the spell. He once again said he wanted to make sure things were okay between the two of us. I had no idea how to react. Was he trying to ask for my help? Why was he there? I wanted to be able to whack him upside the head so he would be unconscious and I could leave him somewhere safe, but I knew I was not capable of that. I wished Colin was around so he could do that for me. As my cousin walked away, my heart was in my throat. Was I letting him walk away to his death?

When I returned to Derick and Cyrus, they mentioned that they had not seen Charlotte for a rather long time. Ignoring decorum, I searched the private alcoves for her and Galen. They were nowhere to be found. We split up. Derick and Cyrus would search for her while I dealt with the guards who were sealing the students in the ballroom. George was left with me as a means to communicate with Cyrus.

As I dealt with the guards, I noticed Darcy and Philomena were not acting normally. I realized that they had created decoys and slipped away unnoticed. I panicked and ran for the summoning area without the others. I had no way to contact them and the ritual may have already started. I couldn’t let Frederick being used for that ritual. My parents would kill me if I let something happen to my cousin.

I encountered two guards who were easily dispatched. The next group was one of four guards which proved to be more difficult as they had spears, but was still manageable. I had dispatched two of them when Darcy arrived. He sent the guards off to deal with “the other intruders” and personally fought me.

I thought I was going to die. I was already wounded from fighting the guards, but Darcy’s blows were enough to kill most people in one hit. I couldn’t evade his attacks. I was near unconsiousness when a voice spoke in my mind. “Strike at his weakness.”

I don’t know why but I thought that voice was my blood father, Vladimir. He was a duelist too, he would understand how to defeat a stronger foe. And I’ve heard his voice before. I was desperate. One more blow from Darcy and I was dead. “I don’t know what his weakness is!” I cried. “You do, remember,” the voice said. It was too raspy and sharp to have been Vladimir’s. Suddenly I was reminded that Darcy loved animals. I called for George’s help.

The monkey jumped into view and Darcy stopped attacking me to stare lovingly at him. He left himself completely defenseless. Without another though, I impaled him with my blade. Darcy was helpless and I killed him. I couldn’t let myself feel any regret, he was going to kill me if I hadn’t done what I had done. I would say he was a monster, but that would be hypocritical.

I collapsed and drank several curative potions I had been given. I searched the bodies for more potions as I was still in a lot of pain. Thankfully each guard and Darcy held another, stronger potion. Derick and Cyrus joined me seconds later. They had dispatched the remaining guards.

After I was healed, we continued to the ritual area. There we found Charlotte, Frederick, and Partricia tied to the huge hourglass. Galen was tied up near by and being harassed by Joanna. Philomena was chanting from a book, energy from the hourglass flowed into her.  Cultists lurked nearby.

Derick summoned a fireball to destroy the cultists .(I guess that bat guano finally came in handy). Things moved quickly after that. Charlotte was freed when Colin’s cat untied her. I started to fight Philomena, but I couldn’t leave Frederick and Patricia on the hourglass in case it drained them of their lives.

As I pulled Frederick free, he could barely talk or move. I was so afraid. I knew I needed to get back into the fight and help my friends, but I couldn’t leave Frederick again. I had let him go to his death. I couldn’t have stopped him. But I let him go. I couldn’t have stopped him. My mind was a mess.

That raspy voice came back and commanded that we kill Philomena. Now that I wasn’t in immediate danger, I was suspicous of that voice. I yelled that we probably shouldn’t kill them. Derick knocked Philomena out.

Meanwhile, Joanna stole Charlotte’s iron wrought scythe and impaled Galen with it. Charlotte’s vision came true when Galen died in her arms. For once, I had nothing snarky to say. The voice returned and advised us to use the sand on Galen. Cyrus broke the hourglass and poured it on Galen’s body. Magically, the sand undid the damage to his body and Galen breathed again. It was a miracle.

The Gentleman Caller appeared then. He slew his own daughter like most people would kill a bug. He told her that failure was not acceptable. What a scary creature. He turned his attention on us, promising us our deaths. Frederick and Cyrus destroyed his phylactery, sending him back to hell. He swore we would pay for that some day. This is one of those times better later than now.

With the ritual destroyed, there was nothing holding the ley lines in place. We gathered our wounded and ran for our lives. The students were able to exit the ballroom so I don’t think anyone else was hurt as all the buildings of the school were destroyed.

School was out.

Meeting Charlotte’s father was surprising to say the least. None of us had been expecting him, not even Charlotte. Also, I have to admit I was surprised (and a little jealous) to find out that he really is Charlotte’s dad and not someone who had just adopted her after the Requiem happened.

Malcolm (as his name was before the Requiem) had died in Darkon. However, thanks to strange alchemical practices, his body was cloned and he was able to live again. I’m a little surprised he was able to remember his death since he was cloned, but I don’t really understand the process anyway.

I was a bad friend and blurted out that Charlotte had been skipping church. She had been confessing to biting a man, which her father disapproved of. I figured if she was making confession, she should include that. Who knows, she might have told him on her own anyway?

I have been really worried that none of the others have been going to church. I can relate to their dissatisfaction at how things have been handled in the dogma, but I’ve been trying to keep in mind that we’re in a possibly demon corrupted place. Who can say the priests are really priests and not demons in disguise?

I was rather shocked to find out that the first and fourth sects are actually FRIENDLY to non-human worshippers. Malcolm told us that he used to be  faithful (aka paid his yearly tithe and went to confession) even when he was a vampire. Even more of a surprise is that Mariette became rather faithful when she grew older.

I almost feel indignant that you can just pay your way into the church’s good graces. I don’t know why I really expected anything else, it is the Borcan way. I guess I just let all that worry build up in me that my local priest who is supposed to listen to my sins without judgment might burst through the confessional and set me on fire. I guess that is what I get for listening to the uninformed hysteria of others.

It also turns out that Cyrus is kind of Malcolm’s boss. Cyrus’s wise investment in the past was the foundation for the company Malcolm runs. Funny coincidences.

Talking about funny (more strange than ha-ha). Malcolm told us about Charlotte’s twin brother. He sounds a lot like Derick - could talk to ghosts, strange eyes, took after his mother in looks. Derick didn’t say a word and amazingly enough no one else mentioned it. I guess I’ll trust Malcolm when he says “Daddy would know”. I’ve wondered if Charlotte’s unseen servant Philippe could be her lost brother. Is Derick a better choice?

And goddess, what was I thinking on insisting that we go on a date after the soiree was cancelled? This is so much more delicate than my previous dates. I’m glad he asked me to the formal. As always, his method was both blunt and oddly sweet at the same time. I’m used to upperclassmen trying to charm me, always speaking smoothly and precisely. It’s so different with Derick.

I’m not sure how permanent this can be. I’m engaged and I’m sure my parents have no intent of letting that contract go. But my fiance is dating a demon’s daughter and wants nothing to do with me. Do I really have the choice to chose who I marry? Do I want to marry for love? Can I not screw it up?

Forgive me Ezra for I have sinned,

I have taken the life of another. We were battling a group of cultists who were planning on creating a demon from the corpse of a killer. In the past I have always been able to stay my blade from striking a final blow. Even in the heat of battle, I was able to down several acolytes without killing them. But I killed the priestess. I don't know what to say. I was too caught up in stopping them that I became too eager? I don't know.

As I looked down at her decapitated body, I felt...nothing. I did not feel the revulsion that Colin expressed when he killed one of the cultists. I did not feel a sense of glee or justice. I just felt...detached. Why is it that Ilsa's murder bothered me so much more than killing this woman, who I know to be human? Is it because we killed Ilsa for needing to live and I killed this woman for committing acts of abomination? It is because I did not take time to think about what I was doing? Or am I just becoming more jaded?

After stopping the ritual, Mariette began cremating the body to insure no further incidents of resurrection. Another group of Gundarkites arrived and threatened to stop us. With barely a thought, I impaled one of them on my blade. I was stunned to see a foe standing one second and dead the next. I think killing him was more shocking than killing the priestess. There was definitely no heat of battle then. Sometimes I worry my sword moves faster than my train of thought.

Cyrus looted a masterwork sword off one of the Gundarkite brothers. That bothered me more than beating them up or even killing the oldest one. I know it doesn't make sense. Cyrus then sold the sword and used its profits to invest in a company he knows that will do well in the next 18 years.  I thought about hinting all of our names should be on the contract since we all had a hand in his investment, but I figured it was his idea and surely Cyrus is fair enough with his friends he would not need a contract to stay fair. Although, he seems to be absorbing Borcan culture a lot without being Borcan and that worries me sometimes.

After twenty-four hours were up, we were flung back to our own time, but not without a quick stop in our futures first. Apparently everyone say an ending where we died. My vision was Frederick, my future husband, poisoning me. That put fear into my heart. What could have happened that would change my gentle cousin into a spouse-killer? Is it because of this girl he is seeing? But my vision showed me much older than I am now. The thought of slowing dying from poisoning leaves my heart in my throat.

Returning to my room, I found a note from Frederick wanting to see me. *gasp!* I was skittish as hell when I went to meet him. He said that I was right in wanting to meet his girlfriend and asked me to be nice to her. Despite my fear of seeing my potential future murderer, I also saw that little boy who was my only friend growing up. I'm a few months older than Frederick and he was the one I had to take care of whenever we got into childhood scrapes. We had our own secret code, giggled over snatched treats, played in the mud together. We've grown apart this last year, but how could anything change so much he could forget those times together?

Frederick was concerned that I would be mean to his girlfriend. Despite my personal fears, I figured I should be nice for his sake if nothing else. I offered a pinky swear, the most sacred vow of children. Frederick called me childish, but it was with a smile. I guess he was remembering playing together in the mud.

Unfortunately, my greatest fear was true. Frederick's girlfriend is Philomena, the demonic sorcerer student council president. I wanted to stomp the living crap out of her smug face, but held my tongue because of my promise and for self-preservation. Now I have no doubt that she is the reason my vision happened. Especially after she tried to poison me while I was talking to her! That bitch!

I ran to Cyrus and two days of purgatives later I was feeling...better. At least I wasn't poisoned, and I think I lost about five pounds. No concerns about my prom dress fitting now. Heh...

The soiree was canceled, due to our interfering in the past. I'm not sure what I was thinking, but I insisted that Derick still take me out since he had invited me to be his date for the soiree. He did not object to my wanting to go out to dinner and possibly a play in Chateaufaux. 

He and I have spent a lot of time together. I've told him so much about myself so he could help me with my fears and anxieties. Derick has not told me much about himself, and I do want to know more. Even if he clams up tighter than a virgin's chasity belt if you ask about his childhood or family.

What if we have nothing to talk about when we're alone on a date? What if we cannot stand each other when there is no one else around? What if we have a horrible time?

What if we have a good time?

Oh Goddess, help me!

Traveling to the past has definitely been educational. It has also left a lot of questions. Who signed us into the inn that we awoke in? And how did they know who we are? We are in a time before our births, that severely limits previously established connections. And how are we going to get back? Is there some preset event that will hurl us back to our time or will we have to create our own way?

Meeting Charlotte's mom has been awesome. She completely different from Charlotte but compliments her at the same time. Where Charlotte is quiet and reserved, Mariette is loud and robust.  I think it is really neat that Charlotte specializes in ice magic while Mariette specializes in fire.

I know for a lot of people it would seem weird for mother and daughter to be so completely different from each other. But Charlotte was raised by an adoptive father. Why would he teach her to be carefree and reckless when that may have been what killed her parents? From what I have seen adventures cannot be meek or they would never had taken the profession of meddling in other people's affairs.

I guess I am a bit more sensitive to this in that I was raised knowing I was adopted. It meant it was okay if I did not agree with my parents on certain points of view. But I can definitely see where their influence has shaped the type of person I have grown into. I think that is part of the reason I hope we don't meet Tandora. Everything I have seen and heard of her has made her a cold woman.

I think it is good for Charlotte to meet her mother though. She has never had a mom so these few hours (days?) will give her a chance to know that person even if it won't be in a motherly fashion. I admit part of me wonders how horrified I'd be if I met my adoptive parents while they are young. Will they be as wild and crazy as Mariette? Or were they always crusaders? Mariette mentioned Davidovich's family is heavily into activist's rights, so maybe they aren't so different after all?

Charlotte manifested some sort of draining ability during a fight and Mariette freaked out. Goddess, that was cringeworthy. On one hand I feel horrible for Charlotte almost being charred alive by her own mother accusing her of being a monster. On the other, thank goddess someone else gets to feel the sting of liking blood a little too much. I wish I could comfort her, but I'm not really sure how. "Oh, you like blood too? What's your favorite flavor? Goddess, your mom spazzed out. Pfft, parents." Hm, somehow I doubt that would be considered helpful.

Part of me wants to hunt down Loller and see what he was like at our age. Would it help me to understand him better? Or would it simply let me see him as a teen and leave me disappointed as much as the others seem to be so far? I'm worried about destroying the timeline, so I think I can let go on seeing Loller as it is a purely selfish motive.

However, I cannot pass a chance to see Nobriskov manor and maybe even Vladimir himself. Those are things I cannot do once we go back to our rightful timeline. I have never seen a portrait of the man who sired me. How much of my appearance is my mother and how much is from my father? Madam Zinerva seemed to almost recognize me which was awkward but unavoidable.

While the others were preparing their spells for the day, I declared I was going to take a walk. Cyrus was immediately suspcious and warned me to stay away from Loller and Nobriskov manor. I hate having to lie to my friends, but I assured him I would be good. Colin accompanined me which I found to be good. I know he is curious like me so he wouldn't deter me from at least looking at the manor.

When we arrived, Colin suggested that one of us run up to the house and ring the doorbell before running away so we could get a look at Vladimir. I was contemplating taking him up on the offer when a masculine voice behind us asked us why we were wanting to ring his doorbell. Imagine my surprise when I turned around to see Vladimir within arms' reach! My jaw hit the ground and my heart was in my throat.

Goddess, he is handsome. I immediately felt regret that he was my father because Vladimir is exactly my type. Tall, dark, handsome, strong and clever. Despite overhearing our plans on ding dong ditching his house, Vladimir was friendly enough and introduced himself to us. I was shocked that after he kissed my hand he could tell I was were-blooded. Will my senses become that keen or was that diluted as well? Would I want to be that sensitive?

Vladimir asked to speak to me privately and in the blink of an eye had me in a painful grasp. He warned me that he would never go home and that he would kill anyone who tried. I don't know what happened that he would think his dead parents would send assassins to return him to Barovia, but it definitely makes me reconsider claiming the Nobriskov inheritance. I wish I could ask him more about our family, but I'm not sure I could say hi to him again without him tearing my head off. Literally.

Dear Auntie,

Physical exams are coming up. I am not sure what to expect. I have been going through such random growth spurts this last year or so. I am sure you can sympathize with the hassle of finding a man whose eyes you can look into without bending over.  I am worried that they'll consider me a freak. I am already having a difficult time with the reputation of being an ill tempered bully, I don't want to add anything else to the gossip pool. I had entered school with the hopes of being super popular and instead I find myself being on the fringes of being an outcast. It is quite disheartening. Sometimes I just wish I could grow wings and fly away from this place.

I have to admit my female pride has been taking a huge blow lately. As I mentioned in my letter to Mom and Dad, my relationships have not been smooth this year. I know I am young and this is the time of my life to experiment, but I would like to find someone I really connect to like they do. I am hoping you can give me some words of encouragement in this matter. You could have had any number of men with your looks and charms, why have you chosen to remain single?

Without a doubt I would eventually get done sowing my wild oats, but discovering the upcoming marriage contract has left me flustered. I hope I did not give any incorrect impressions when I wrote before. I personally have no objections to it as it is a good, solid arrangement. I was mostly surprised and a little hurt no one had informed me. Especially since Frederick seems to have known for a while and has been hostile towards me because of it. I can see the advantages of leaving me in the dark, but a girl's wedding is one of the most important moments of her life. And I could have been focusing on my future husband rather than failed pretty boys.

Frederick claims he has a girlfriend and he wants to marry her. I am skeptical of this supposed girlfriend since I have never seen him around another girl and he won't give me any details about her other than she is Mordentish. I tried to be reasonable and offer flexible mistress terms, but he acted insulted. I've tried to meet this girl and explain things to her directly, but Frederick says that he is afraid I'll beat her up. Goddess curse school gossip!

I would normally just let the matter drop and allow Frederick time to come to terms with his...our fate. However, there are certain things he has said that concern me. "Never going to happen" in such a way I am starting to get scared at how far he is willing to go to back that up. Does he seem the type to make a final protest to you?

I have to go now. Charlotte is going to help me with my make up. I would love to see what styles she uses. I am hoping to distract from my awkwardness with some lovely rouge. Some days I wonder why I try. It feels like old faces have disappeared and new ones have replaced them. It is a bit silly to feel that way as a freshman. Could you imagine how jaded I'll be by the time I'm an upperclassman?

Take care!

Your loving niece,
Claudia

Maybe the Goddess doesn't hate me. Charlotte's accusation hurt a lot. My plans as foolish and selfish. That I don't listen to her or care about her opinions. Forgive me if wanting to defend the actions of my countrymen when she puts down the culture of my people as being unreasonable. I admit what I did was near suicidal, leaving the church and searching for the Falkovnians.

But as I said, I was hurt. I thought I could find refugee in that holy place. I thought that with my friends mostly gathered, I would have solace. Instead all I found was more stabbing guilt over what had been done. She distrusts me and dislikes me. I suppose I should have known, who in their right mind would feel kindly towards a were-creature? Especially their own roommate?

I tried to bluff the Falkovnians, convince them this was part of my plan to have them deported. Anything to gain more time. On one hand, having them duke it out now could result in an adult coming and breaking it up. But that is a solution for a  more normal school. Here, I would likely be dead before the adults shook off whatever stupor clouded their minds during calamities. But if I was going down, I would go down fighting. I doubted I could or would kill any of them before I finally subcomed to their blows, but by Goddess I would make them pay for each one I felt. At least one of them would have a new set of scars to remember me by.

Imagine my surprise when Cyrus magically slept two of them. And when Carl, one of the standing Falkovnians slept their leader, Gunther. I almost fainted from shock. Carl begged asylum with the school for betraying his countrymen, but maybe that is best for him. He can stay here and study magic, something his lord despises. And he won't have to return to that spike ladened hellhole the others call home.

Cyrus felt Galen's witness of "an innocent boy" was problematic. Derick had apparently disguised himself as Surge Renault, our favorite garter snatcher, when he killed Elsa. Cyrus did not want Surge taking the fall for something we had done. Honestly, considering that Surge is living in a subpar prison, I highly doubt he has not shivved some poor weaker classmate making him less than innocent. However, I cannot judge for certain on that.

Galen revealed some terrible truths to us once we obtained a way to talk privately. The lies that boy has told us should make us never trust him again. Galen is not a child of the Requiem. He's not even human, he is the son of a demon and a human woman, who for all intensive purposes was a rape victim. The other members of the student council are his half-siblings with varying degree of demonic blood running through their veins. Philomena, the president and the strongest in power, is somehow human but manifest magic from her demonic father.

They have been building the school as one huge ritual of some sort that is coming to a head soon. Honestly, despite my learning of magical theory from being around all the arcane minded people I associate with, this level of theory was way above my head. All I could boil it down to was, this ritual is bad in a huge way and we have to stop it before they finish whatever they are planning.

Derick thinks that Colin and Derick have been recruited by his father to replace him. Colin has declared that he plans fully to meet with this monster to get a better idea of what they are planning. I wonder if he realizes that if he refuses their offer, they'll kill him too?

I think Charlotte is torn about Galen. On one hand, he is the reason we are all here. His actions have put us in danger time and time again, and all for the sake of saving his own damned hide. On the other hand, he is the reason we are all here and have made the friendships that we have. And she cares for him. I managed to make sure they had some time alone while the spell that shielded us from demonic scrying was still active so they could say what they needed to say.

Honestly, I cannot find it in me to care about their relationship. Part of me wants to revel in the fact she is dating a demonic creature, but I'm emotionally too busy right now to give it much thought. I just found out that my cousin hates me because he knows he is actually my uncle and apparently my fiance. I have no intentions of being a jealous wife, but he claims to be in love with a Mordentish girl and she won't want to settle for second best. Well, honestly, he's not exactly my idea of a catch, but I'm willing to make things work. It's a good idea for a contract as it is a solid union and will allow me to inherit what should be mine to begin with.

So, I'm a little busy trying to figure out how to export my cousin back home without him outright refusing because he thinks I am going to control him and my parents refusing because they think I am refusing the marriage contract. I need him to go home so he doesn't fall under the influences of the school and spread their taint farther than it has already gone.

Also, I need to figure out my own feelings about my own love interests before I worry about Charlotte's. Denver and I ...talked after Elsa's death. I don't think it will work out between us, although he is sweet. Sigh, I still have to figure out my feelings about one of the guys I work with. Can I make a team relationship work? My romantic attempts have been pretty pathetic so far. And can I risk another creature like Elsa discovering me and using me as she did?

A fiance who hates me, a guy who does not even think of me romantically, and a guy who was recently dinner for a monster.

Maybe I should consider spinsterhood like my aunt?

Forgive me Ezra, for I have sinned.

My heart won't stop pounding. It feels as if it has crawled into my throat and is trying to jump out of my mouth. I don't know what is worse, the terrible thumping of my heart or the taste of bile on my tongue. I have grown up with tales of men who had wronged their wives and the ultimate punishment by their widows. Overheard other children talking casually about duels to the death or jealous lovers giving their cheating beaus a final smile before ending their relationships.

But all of that was just so distant to me. It was not really part of my life. I've had my share of scuffles, silent arguments until it was time to make up, sometimes the type of scuffle one solves with their fists. I'm used to civilized pouting over desired toys. Falkovnians fight for blood and death because they are soldiers. My Borcan lifestyle simply got us into more trouble. This would have not been a problem if they had been Richmelouese or Dementiliuese. Those cultures are still close to my own, I could have made it work somehow instead of just needing a bigger shovel to dig us out of the shit we're in.

Goddess, Elsa seemed so reasonable at breakfast. Flattering me in my taste of men. So much double meaning there, I'd laugh if I had the breathe. Why couldn't she just stop stalking me? I think if she would have just agreed to leave me alone and not make a trail that would impliment both of us, we would have been okay. But she tried to threaten me, make me be her personal bloodhound for desirable blood. And that was simply not going to work.

I had hoped that Gunther, the apparent leader of the Falkovnians, would have some control over her. I should have known someone who saw herself as a superior race to cattle would never bow to one she considered meat. No matter how strong, clever, or entertaining.  She respected my claim on my friends in the same sense you don't hunt those with a brand. It's just plain rude. But that doesn't mean you take orders from the lead steer.

I have so much to learn about the mentality of creatures who pass as human but are not. Is this what they thought of when they speak of my father? A creature living as a man? But he wanted to be a man, didn't he? Elsa simply wants to pass the time until her mission is done. If the aranea gave me hope for civil monstrosities, Elsa reminded me of the more common truth. There are those who feed on my...friends.

I would say my kind, but I just don't know any more. I feel less human now than I ever have. I really did not want to kill her, but Derick made it so reasonable that she had to die. She would not budge from her promise to kill with or without my help. She did not intentionally kill Thomas, poor Thomas whose name I had forgotten, but she would do what she needed to get my cooperation. She would let her "pets" threaten my friend's life without reserve to get what she wanted.

I couldn't do it myself. I provided the means - poison and the dagger, but I couldn't do it with my own hands. And I needed to know that if we started this, we would finish it too. To leave her destroyed after the poison's effects but still alive was too cruel for me. She just wanted to live, to feed. I'll be like that some day, won't I? From everything that mad doctor told us, I'll be dependent on blood someday.

Goddess! How can I condemn someone for wanting to eat? Why couldn't she cooperate? Why?

I deserve to be punished, I know that. I do. I need it, but I know if I give myself to the Falkovnians, in their righteous anger, they'll kill me. I don't want to die. I don't think I deserve to die. Pain, yes. Death, no. And if I do submit to their punishment, I may very well have to kill them to survive. A terrible quandry. They won't stop until they get what they want. And they have every reason to suspect me.

I can probably name at least five students who saw me when Elsa was poisoned. After all, Colin was the one who delivered the poison. No court could hold me accountable regardless of what witnesses could testify of terse words said beforehand. Just because I'm the most obvious enemy, doesn't mean I am the only one.

I can hear footsteps outside. Have the Falkovnians finally found me? Or is it the priest to take my confession?

Dear Mom and Dad,

I figured I should write home. I'm sorry I have not been more communicative with you. School has been hellish. The midterms were a huge overload. Despite overwhelming odds, I managed to make third place on listings. I felt I could have done better honestly, but the school's standards are not like other places of learning. One of my consolations is that my roommmate, Charlotte, placed second.

I think it is worthy to note that the school really cares for its students. The staff have been very generous in making sure I get enough to eat to keep up with my continuing growth spurts. They have made sure to have all the right food for my changing body to guarantee I can grow up to be all that I can be.

I also want to say I'm really sorry about that extra expense you had to pay for. I'll be sure to pay you back when I get home. I have made a little side business here at school. Don't worry, it doesn't interfere with my studies! I have been growing some herbs in the school garden and making them into perfumes for the girl population. The school horticulture club has a very extensive selection of plants, most you would think would not thrive in this climate. You can find almost anything you can think of here! I just hope no one with an allergy walks through the gardens. =D

I am hoping after school is over I can do some traveling. The work I had Deschamps do inspired me to learn more. I think my wanderlust can wait until after I graduate, but who knows when those itchy feet will take over? I know you would rather I stayed home and learn more of the family business, but I think it would be a valuable experience for me to see other countries. I have already learned so much of cultural differences from my school friends.

As far as my cousin Frederick goes, he is the one who has been standoffish to me all semester. I have tried my best to maintain a good relationship with him, but he wants nothing to do with me. I don't know what he has been telling you, but I suspect that it is extremely one sided. Rereading your letter makes me wander what you mean by "until the arrangements are settled". If I didn't know better, I would suspect you were planning a wedding contract. To be honest, I trust your judgment if this were the case, but my personal relationships at school have been less than satisfactory. Every single boy I have dated has left the school and some have permanently gone home. I suspect a girl at school is intentionally sabotaging my relationships and I plan to have words with her to say the least.

Thank you very much for the gift package. The clothes will be especially useful since I have been outgrowing everything lately. I enjoy the necklace very much. I regret to say that my old pendant has been lost. I think the latch was faulty since I had problems with it before it disappeared. I feel guilty losing it since I have had it for eight years. Maybe I'll regain it some day. Only the goddess knows, right? I'm at a bit of a loss regarding the make-up kit you sent me. I appreciate the cosmetics, but my eyesight has become so sensitive lately, I don't think I am going to be able to make use of them. I may end up donating them to some girl who is in greater need than myself.

That's most of what I have been doing. I'll tell you everything in more detail when I return home. I do want to discuss future traveling plan especially. In the meantime, I will do my best to keep exceeding my school studies and staying healthy. The weather here can turn suddenly.

Love,
Claudia della'Trotsky

Returning home was less pleasant than I had hoped. Loller was gone, to which I felt relief. I did not want to deal with him after our last encounter. Cyrus and Derick seemed to actually miss the priest to my surprise. I had expected some caution about a man of Loller's power loose on the world again, but I felt they genuinely missed him for his wisdom. And my amulet, of course.

Several of us received letters from home. Mine was touching in that my family reassured me that they missed and loved me. They also included a package from home which included some nice jewelry and clothes. I was some what surprised at the inclusion of eye enhancement makeup since they know my sight is too sensitive for the stuff. I should write a thank you letter at least.

Included in the letter from home was a mention of the detective I hired. I cannot believe that man actually contacted my family. Also, I am worried because my parents mentioned that his bill was quite...high. Oh goddess, I hope I didn't get the short end of the stick there. At least our new found wealth will help offset any costs from the detective. Yet another letter to write. Rather scathing too, I hope.

Galen appears to have "fallen down a set of stairs". Repeatedly and into fist and boot shaped stairs at that. I'm not sure who  may have done such a thing. The Falkovnians since he bested them at midterms? The school administration for him befriending us or helping us one time too many? Or something more dastardly such as his own student council members in an attempt to gain even more sympathy from us? I would give the matter more thought if not for my own problems.

My back has been aching lately. I assumed it was from cramped conditions on the boat ride home. I cannot say I have any sea legs despite living on a river town. I had Cyrus examine my back. I figured he might prescribe some herbs for pain, maybe I could get a massage. I had no clue that my back is completely realigning. Cyrus immediately announced that he thought I was growing wings. I thought I was just hitting another damn growth spurt.

The healer insisted on testing me finally for my were-heritage. I agreed, more for his sake of mine than for my own. Initially, he wanted to cut me with various materials to see if I was resistant to any of them, not a procedure I found encouraging. Thankfully, and I use that term loosely, he found an alternative method of testing various herbs for an allergic reaction. Not very surprisingly, the school's greenhouse is growing all the herbs that were-creatures have an allergy too. Cyrus immediately tried for were-bat since he suspected wings and I had a reaction. Being scientific-minded, Cyrus tried all the herbs and found that only the skullcap had any adverse effect.

If that wasn't enough to digest on its onI discovered...that many of my recent exboyfriends are dead or missing. It is painful to find out. I have no clue if their fates are a result of the school's history of high student mortality or some darker part of myself. Of course, one of the others mentioned that they wished I still had my amulet, but I feel that it wouldn't have matter. I was wearing my amulet long before these occurence began. If it truly was me, the amulet was not stopping me.

But it couldn't have been me. I don't remember doing anything so awful. I would remember such a thing...right? It feels like on the outside, I am calmly numb, but on the inside I am freaking out. Theodore from horticulture club had not even been a boyfriend and he was dead, supposedly from suicide. Cyrus' investigations showed a blood splatter that indicated that something had pierced Theodore's neck and blocked the blood flow. Much as if someone had drained him dry. Maybe like a vampire bat.

It makes me wish I had not JUST admitted to the others my growing craving for blood.

I'm scared. Is this a terrible coincidence or is someone going after people I feel romantically towards? I have been trying to deny feelings I have had for a certain guy for a while now. I feel really comfortable around and can really talk to him unlike anyone else I know. He's not normally my type, so hopefully whoever is doing this won't suspect my feelings for him. It's not as if I had announced my possible attentions for him unlike all my ex's or poor Theodore.

Unless the killer really is me. And admitting my feelings has doomed him.

Fuck.

It turns out that the spider cave held more than monstrous spiders. A hybrid creature called aranea that can change from spider to human or a combination of the two dwelled there as well. They kept the monstrous spiders as herd animals. The spiders were accidentally freed when spider eaters invaded the aranea's lair.

The aranea are fascinating. In their human forms, it is impossible to tell they are not human. Well, except for their actions. Arianna obviously had different perspective than the rest of us on how to deal with matters. Is this what was meant when I was told my father was a monster living as a human? Westin, an aranea posing as a human in the village, clearly liked living as a human and did  much better to blend in than Arianna who felt those who lived in the village had forgotten their heritage.

These creatures are not harmless, they were planning on eating Katherine and Alfred as emergency rations. But it definitely felt more of an action of desperation than preference. These creatures either want to live near human civilization without molestaion or among humans, sometimes even breeding with them! It would be to their disadvantage to add human to the menu as it would draw attention to them and make them into prey.

Observing their different customs and hearing how they are a matriach and other differences made me realize that they are monsters with human forms. Arianna treated all of us humans with contempt. A contrary part of me wanted to argue I was a monster too, but honestly I was glad she called me human. With everything that has been going on lately, sometimes I have to wonder how human I am.

Can it be that I'm a human with a monster side? Not even mentally, just physically? That the majority of the time I'm a normal girl until the were-side surges forth and even then the only major difference is that my eyes glow strangely and my teeth a little sharper? That would not be so bad, right?

A scary truth showed itself when we returned to the village. We were forced to reveal the treasure we found to a guardsman. He immediately tried to kill us for it! A human showed more threat to us than the aranea. The irony is depressing. The aranea were cornered and scared and probably had every right to distrust us, yet we were able to make contact with them peacefully. Meanwhile, the very humans we were struggling to save felt it was their right to kill us for gold. Not every villager at least, just some of them which included the mayor.

I really appreciated Derick agreeing with me that Mordent is not a very agreeable place. Charlotte and Cyrus are still harping about some of Borca's customs. At least in Borca, if you get gouged it is at a reasonable rate. These "men" wanted all our gold and our lives.

I cannot wait to go home.

"The Dawnguard is nothing but a ruin."

Those were the last words I said before leaving Loller's room. I stalked away quickly, trying to get my emotions under control. It had been a very difficult week and I felt so tense I was afraid I was going to snap. I noticed my friends as I rounded the corner. The sound of them knocking on Loller's door let me know I was not going to be followed and badgered for my behavior at least.

I needed some privacy. My room was no good - Charlotte could come in at any time. and the boys seemed to think they could come in any time they wanted.There would have been a point where I would have tried to find solace in the chapel, but my recent disappointments left church a little hollow right now. My failed expectations of a certain priest and his old adventuring group made me want to stay away from anything religious right now.

I found myself climbing the hayloft. The warm sunlight trapped heat made this place pleasantly warm. I flounced down on the hay. I could still smell Loller's scent here even a week later. The indentation of where he had laid was still there. Obviously no one ever came up here, it would be a good place for me to cool down. I rolled over to the body shaped hole and snuggled down.

"Why am I so angry?" I muttered to myself as I rubbed my eyes with both hands. Good question. I had plenty of reasons to be irritable, but my father always taught me to isolate why I felt a particular way. All too often we feel emotions after being institgated by a singular event and then blame several events instead.

Midterms were a disaster. I felt myself falling apart through the week. I started off so well and then I don't know. I just lost it. None of the equations, dates, or anything we studied this semester made sense any more. I don't mind placing behind Charlotte, but this other girl who got head girl was just unexcusable. Me, placing third? Unacceptable!

There was the saving grace of finding out that the tests were not to measure our excellency but how well we dealt with mental pressure and how much we were willing to bend to keep up with it. I am not completely sure what this says about Derick who received head boy or Galen who scored highest for upperclassmen boys.

The growth of the fangs did not help. I used to  love to play with loose teeth as a child. It was terribly fasciniating to me. After I lost my last baby tooth, I started to have the occassional nightmare of losing teeth and them growing back jaggedly. When my incisors fell out, I initially thought someone had tired to poison me again. The truth was much less pleasant.

Thankfully, the new ones grew in almost immediately and they are barely noticable. They are only slightly sharper than my old teeth. I can only hope that they do not become more prominent. Cyrus and Derick are worried that this newest infestation of my were-heritage is because I gave my old holy symbol to Loller. I had no clue the amulet was magical when I gave it to the priest. Even though the fangs grew after I stopped wearing the necklace, I am doubtful at the effiiciency of the "Amulet of the Beast" as they called it. I have been developing were-traits for months now. Who can say if I would have grown fangs if I had kept the necklace on? And if I put it back on, would it even fix my teeth? Would they return to normal, stay fangs, or (goddess forbid) just fall out and leave empty cavities?

Besides, I found the point moot. I had given the holy symbol to Loller. It was not mine any more. I could not simply ask for it back. I had not lightly given the holy symbol away. I have worn it for almost eight years and never took it off. I feel naked without it around my neck. It really hurt my feelings to find over and over again that Cyrus and Derick had taken the symbol from Loller and tried to force me to wear it.

They never bothered to take into account my feelings of how hard it was for me to give it away. Cyrus only sees it as a sign of infatuation to Loller. Like an exchanging of jewlery for beaus. I admit if Loller were to present the necklace back to me, I could accept it then. But I am not going to take it from one of the boys. Loller, being a native Borcan, must know the insult it means to me for him to give it to the others. I wonder if he is intentionally trying to insult me.

I think that is why I finally confronted Loller in his room. I was tired of constantly finding the holy symbol shoved in my face. If the others just thought about what it meant. That it was another measure of guaranteeing I would not turn into a monster. That instead of a treasured gift, it was some sort of obediance collar. The thought of the measures my blood mother went through to insure I was docile makes me sick.

I yelled at Loller. Told him I thought he was stronger than he has shown us. That I had had believed in the Dawnguard but its members only showed what a terrible failure it was. I even shoved him a couple of times. As I lay in the straw, smelling his scent, I wonder why I shoved him. What would it have accomplished? What had I expected to happen?

I shove Loller. He stands up, angry. The disguise of a young boy falls away as he approached me. The priest towers above me and shoves me back. I stumble and fall. He grabs me. "How dare you lay your hands on me, you insolate girl!" he yells. Loller's strong hands spin me around and thrust me onto his bed. Suddenly his body is pressing heavily on me.

I find myself breathing heavily as I think of this scenerio. "What is wrong with me?" I ask myself. I am not normally into rough sex, but the thought of Loller dominating me already has me wet. I realize it has been almost a month since I last had sex. I suppose normally I would have been dating Theodore, the boy I noticed in the horticulture club, but both midterms and Loller's precense have deterred me.

I settle further into the hay and rest my hand between my thighs. I turn my head to the side so I can smell the hay more deeply. Normally I find self-gratification distasteful. The act seems somewhat desperate and I am normally not hard pressed for a partner. The feel of another body is much more satisfying than my own hand. However, I also use physical intimacy as a form of relaxation and it has been far too long since I felt that particular pleasant sensation.

As I become more comfortable, I return to how I had wanted things to turn out....

Loller pulls my hair loose from my braids with one hand. My hair tumbles around my face and shoulders. I try to fight him, but he is too strong and he has better leverage. One of his hands runs through my loose hair, the other roughly grabs my breast. I can feel his erection press against me.

Everything I imagine, I do to myself. I loosen my hair. I unbutton my shirt and start to fondle my breast. I squirm around on the hay. I can feel heat on the bottom of my feet, a sure sign I am going to orgasm hard.

"Let me go!" I protest.

"I don't think so," Loller murmurs into my hair. "I think you need to recant your sins and take confession. Get on your knees. " He drags me down as he unzips his pants. He pulls out his manhood and forces it into my mouth. I cannot help but take it and do as he commands.

I lick my lips. My tongue catches on my new sharper teeth, but the sensation doesn't bother me. I even bite on my lip a bit. It is a bit painful, but pleasant too.

"Do you repent?" he asks. I nod, unable to answer. "Good girl," his praise is good. Loller pulls me to my feet and throws me onto the bed. "Now for your absolution." I am rolled onto my stomache as he pulls my panties off. He slides into me not gently. I cry out as he thrusts harder and harder.

"Praise Ezra," he pants. "Oh, goddess, goddess," I moan. His hands are all over me. Squeezing my breasts, slapping my behind, grabbing my shoulders.

I feel the pressuring growing. That pleasant heat that indicates orgasm is growing so hard and fast I cannot contain it any longer. With a barely muffled scream I finish my fantasy and masturbating at the same time. I lay in the loft feeling good for a few moments, but then I am disgusted with myself. What a stupid fantasy, it will never happen.

Loller sees me as a child at best and a spoiled, fickle child at worst. He may of said that there is always the possibilty of there being something more between us, but in retrospect he is a Borcan male. They know better than to anger we Borcan women.

I clean myself off as best as I can, ashamed of myself. This cannot go on. I cannot function with him here. The priest is going to need to leave. The sooner the better too.

The next day Loller sits with us at breakfast. He has an illusionist who is going to help us leave for a week to find Cyrus' missing parents. I think time away from here will be good for me. I cannot wait to leave. I ignore Loller during the meal. As we are concluding our meal, he pulls out the damned holy symbol. "You may have given up on us, but I haven't given up on you," he says. I sullenly think, "Too little, too late" but do not bother to speak.

As we are preparing to leave, I withdraw 50 gold pieces from my account and left it and a note for Loller. It is very short.

"Do not be here when we return."

Forgive me Ezra for I have sinned,

I am guilty of envy.

All my life I wonder who my blood mother was. I imagined her as foreign, exotic. Possibly an island princess, or a simple woodsman's daughter, or even a wandering Vistani fortune teller. Someone who for whatever reason had to give up her daughter and was unable to love her because of circumstances.

How bitterly true the essential thought was.

Now I know who my blood mother is...was, and I find I hate her. I hate her! What a terrible thing to think of one's own mother. But it's true.

All my life I have strived to be the best. Smarter than anyone else, faster, more agile, tougher. Even if I did not succeed the first time, given enough practice I can beat almost anyone at least once.

The problem is you cannot beat the dead. I know this from spending my whole life in the shadow of Claudio's portrait. The dead can do no wrong, they're perfect. They will stay forever young and vibrant. Only the best memories are kept and any flaws are seen as unique quirks.

When she was alive, she was his mentor. Young, intense, wise. That would be hard enough to compete with. But she was also a chosen of Ezra. One of yours. She saw your word personally. How can I compete with that? How?!

I am starting to be sick of hearing of Tandora Von Sydow and how wonderful she was. Founder of a religion. Founder of a mercenary force sworn to save the world from itself. Died for the sake of her children so they can be her legacy.

I don't even want to start thinking of what sort of man my father was. Even as a creature of the night, he must have been impressive in his own right or he never would have earned her attentions. I doubt she would have slept with just anyone from everything I have heard of her.

Will I be able to stand on my own or am I forever stuck in the shadows of the dead?